Sometimes, the most dangerous things come wrapped in warmth.
A smile. A gentle voice. Someone who says, “I understand you better than anyone.”
And a child believes it is love.
Recently, the term child grooming has gained public attention after actress Aurelie Moeremans bravely shared her experience of being groomed at the age of 15. Through her book Broken Strings, she didn’t seek pity—she offered a warning. A quiet reminder for young girls and parents alike: manipulation often disguises itself as affection.
Child grooming is not a moment.
It is a process of psychological manipulation, carefully designed to build trust, emotional closeness, and dependency—ultimately leading to emotional, psychological, or sexual exploitation.
And according to psychiatrist dr. Lahargo Kembaren, Sp.KJ, grooming is never about love.
First of All, It Is About Control—Not Affection
Love frees. Grooming traps.
According to dr. Lahargo, one of the strongest motivations behind child grooming is a need for control. The perpetrator experiences a sense of power when they can influence a child’s emotions, thoughts, and decisions.
At first, it feels harmless.
A listening ear.
A protective presence.
Someone who seems different from everyone else.
But slowly, the child’s world begins to shrink.
Friends feel distant.
Family feels “less understanding.”
Only that person feels safe.
This is not coincidence. It is conditioning.
The child is guided—step by step—into emotional dependency. When control is established, resistance becomes fear. Saying “no” feels like betrayal. Silence feels safer than truth.
This is why early awareness matters.
Parents, educators, and caregivers need to recognize subtle changes: withdrawal, secrecy, sudden emotional attachment to an older figure.
If you notice these signs, consulting a licensed mental health professional or child psychiatrist is not overreacting—it is protection.
Moreover, Cognitive Distortion Makes Abuse Feel “Justified”
One of the most unsettling aspects of grooming is how perpetrators justify their actions.
Dr. Lahargo explains this through cognitive distortion—a mental process where harmful behavior is reframed as something acceptable or even caring.
Common justifications include:
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“I’m loving, not hurting.”
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“The child feels comfortable with me.”
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“They wanted this too.”
These thoughts allow the perpetrator to continue without guilt.
Even more disturbing, many groomers experience empathy deficits. They struggle—or completely fail—to feel the victim’s emotional pain. Their focus remains on personal satisfaction, validation, or control.
In some cases, grooming becomes a repeated pattern.
Some perpetrators were once victims themselves. But instead of healing, their unresolved trauma transforms into harmful behavior.
As dr. Lahargo states:
“Unrecognized wounds can turn into inherited wounds.”
This is why therapy is not optional—it is essential.
Healing trauma early prevents cycles of harm. Mental health services don’t just help victims recover; they help society stop the pattern from repeating.
Finally, The Impact Appears Later—But Lasts Longer
The most painful truth about child grooming is this:
Many victims don’t realize what happened until years later.
The damage is often invisible at first. But over time, it emerges—quietly, deeply.
Psychological Effects
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Emotional confusion
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Excessive guilt
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Difficulty trusting others
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Relationship-based trauma
Relationship Patterns
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Repeated unhealthy relationships
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Difficulty setting boundaries
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Fear of rejection or saying no
Self-Identity Struggles
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Low self-esteem
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Persistent self-blame (“It was my fault”)
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Inability to assert personal limits
Many survivors eventually reach a moment of clarity:
“Oh… that wasn’t healthy closeness.”
And that realization can hurt.
But it can also heal.
Professional counseling, trauma therapy, and psychiatric support help survivors rebuild trust—with others and with themselves. Seeking help is not weakness. It is the bravest form of self-respect.
A Gentle Reminder—and a Call to Action
Child grooming is not love.
It is manipulation disguised as care.
If you are a parent, stay present.
If you are a survivor, you are not broken.
If you are unsure, seek professional guidance.
Early consultation with certified psychiatrists or mental health services can save lives, futures, and identities.
Because love never controls.
Love never confuses.
Love never leaves scars that take years to name.
And every child deserves safety—not silence.